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"Is
there, like, maids for, like, celebrities?" (Upon
finding that the house she and husband Nick Lachey
have moved into suffers from a severe lack of
live-in help, Jessica begins asking the serious
questions--never mind grammar!)
"Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna.
But it says chicken. By the sea." (Jessica asks her
husband, Nick, to explain the flaky white meat
inside a can of Chicken of the Sea.)
"Platypus? I thought it was pronounced platymapus.
Has it always been pronounced Platypus?" (Jessica
reveals that while the duck-like stuffed animal that
she wins at an amusement park may be called a
platypus by most, to her the little creatures always
sound like some obscure Sesame Street character.)
"I think I need to go, um...drop some kids in the
pool." (Jessica has just devoured a meal of fast
food delights and now feels a strong urge to
defecate but doesn't wish to offend others with such
bold talk.)
"I hate record labels. They think they know
everything. I want to hear them try to sing it." (A
tearful Jessica learns that her record label has
found fault with the vocals on her new single and
that she must go back to the studio and rerecord
said vocals.)
"I have bubbles in my tummy...It's just air. It's
not stink. Promise." (After a hearty meal of
barbecued hamburgers, Jessica searches deep within
herself...and finds gas. Unscented, bubbly gas.
Funny, I thought the air was all above the neck…)
"What if I accidentally hit somebody? Because my dad
took one of his friends golfing--and it was like one
of his first times--and he knocked out a duck. He
hit a duck. Like, I'm scared something like that's
gonna happen." (Jessica has been invited along to
play golf with her husband and in-laws and wonders
whether it's a good idea. What are the odds of THIS
happening? And does anyone REALLY believe the
stories their dad told them when they were little?)
On roughing it: "Is that weird, taking my Louis Vuitton bag camping?"
On the ups and downs of doing laundry: "It is fun
putting it in, but then you have to fold it."
On the mysteries of the animal kingdom: "Why were
there mouses?"
On the aftermath of death: "Rigor who?"
On how difficult it is to master golf: "My boob gets
in the way."
Leah: (motioning to Buffalo wings) Have you tried
these? Jessica: I don't eat buffalo. Leah: Ha! It's
not buffalo, idiot. Oh my god. Jessica: It's not?
Leah: No, it's chicken. Jessica: Then why are they
called Buffalo wings? Nick: Baby, come on. You know
that. Jessica: I don't know this! Drew:
Because
barbecue wings started in Buffalo, or something like
that. You know, it's kinda weird that buffaloes
don't have wings? Jessica: I never thought about it.
"I would love for the time to come where somebody
can talk about me and not have to talk about Britney
and Christina in the same sentence."
"I wanted to give up, but my family kept me going."
(About losing a spot on The Mickey Mouse Club to
Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera.)
"I want people to fall in love with my voice before
my image."
"I have this fear of talking to people. I'm worried
they won't like me. I've always had that insecurity.
I tried to go up to Celine Dion at the Billboard
Awards last year. She was right there, but I
couldn't do it." (CosmoGIRL, February 2001)
"I was like, 'I want that one!'" (On boyfriend Nick Lachey of 98 Degrees)
"I think that freshness and that innocence is
something that is missing from a lot of female
singers. I'm certainly not denying that I'm young,
but I'm not fluff."
"I'd go to concerts and think, 'That's exactly what
I want to do."
"I'm right there ready to explode... or I could go
pfffffft. No one could ever hear from me again."
(About how successful her future album may be.)
"I have bubbles in my tummy... It's just air. It's
not stink. Promise." (After a hearty meal of
barbecued hamburgers, Jessica searches deep within
herself... and finds gas. Unscented, bubbly gas.
Funny, I thought the air was all above the neck.)
"What if I accidentally hit somebody? Because my dad
took one of his friends golfing--and it was like one
of his first times--and he knocked out a duck. He
hit a duck. Like, I'm scared something like that's
gonna happen. (Jessica has been invited along to
play golf with her husband and in-laws and wonders
whether it's a good idea. What are the odds of THIS
happening? And does anyone REALLY believe the
stories their dad told them when they were little?)"
"After 9-11, I knew that I never ever wanted to be
away from Nick ever for the rest of my life." |
